14 Apr 17 I held her funeral and spread her ashes into the waters of the nearby river by my hometown.
She was 61 years old, was a Nurse for over 38 years, and she loved me with all her heart. I wake each morning now with fear that I may not honor her memory appropriately. Even though family and friends tell me that I've done everything I could to do so.
I'm scared, depressed, and I do not know how to explain this to my loving and supportive wife. She is freaked out of her mind after watching me stoically attend to my mother's funeral while my mothers boyfriend completely broke down. She saw me break twice, encouraged me to do so. I just could not explain that there was so much to do in so little time, even now I have to complete paperwork to establish my mothers estate.
I also have a tough fight ahead as I must deal with my mothers abusive business partner. If I fail it threatens the home that my mothers boyfriend lives in and where I grew up. I intend to win, support the town that I grew up in. Though I feel that I may make enemies in a place where my friends will continue to live in but I will have a hard time coming back to keep in check. I don't know what the future will bring, I just need to get through the pain of losing my mother first.